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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| 我搬屋了！XANGA拜拜！
http://blog.waxduck.hk/yansui/
（即係話會更少人睇到我既BLOG啦，因為XANGA都已經無乜人睇... ...哈哈！不過有興趣都去下我新BLOG，果度個板面設計得好靚 ）
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| 今日好開心，見番的神小子、佢細佬同媽咪爹地。嘩，無見的神年幾，忽然一標標到高過我... ... 應該都有5'7''... ...高我成寸... ... 但我成日淨係記得以前我讀緊U幫佢補習果時個小二學生樣... ... 細細粒容易食... ... 見佢依家高左成幾個頭，又變左聲，一個大男孩啦！再唔係小朋友... ... 所以真係超級勁唔慣... ...
佢已經十四歲啦... 依家嚮UK跳級讀緊中四... ... 時間過得真係快！
死啦，見倒佢大左甘多我覺得自己超級勁爆老... ... 哈哈哈！
不過佢媽媽爸爸就無乜點變... ... 媽媽依舊都係甘苗條同靚，真係極之羨慕！有佢一半甘靚同幸福就好啦！哈哈哈～
聽日肥獵會LEAD我地去練SC馬拉松。不過橫掂無野做，所以今日就開始練下跑先。
跑左5KM，個上腹跑跑下有D痛，加上我AVERAGE個PULSE係160... ... 以我28歲高齡個PULSE應該嚮150左右，所以證明我真係太耐無跑同做運動啦～（對上一次做GYM已經係一個月前既事，所以搞到越來越肥，哈哈哈！）
唔緊要！仲有兩個幾月，若果KEEP住隔日跑好快跑倒10KM有餘WITH RIGHT PULSE。
哎... ...只可惜，今日下晝跑完，夜晚的神爸爸請食飯，食左好多超好味肥牛WITH魚翅裙雞湯湯底... ... 哎... ... 跑左5K食番10K既野，真係超SHIT~
為人情，應承左幫的神細佬客串OCCASIONALLY補習（其實真係無咩所謂，我都係去玩玩下同黐住家飯食，呵呵！），佢爸爸話為左利誘我去，會次次帶我去食唔同既好野～
甘就死啦... ... 即係話我每次去之前都要跑定10KM，否則真係會越去佢地果度越肥，可能仲會肥到跑都跑唔郁... ...
哈哈哈！
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| 覺得有點迷失...
禁不住給他寫了封無聊的電郵，因為我還很掛念他... ... 雖然心裏知道若果他不改變的話，就算我們勉強繼續一起，難受的只會是我自己。理性叫自己不要再給機會讓自己繼續覺得委屈，可是不聽話的情智卻令自己變得不聽使喚... ...
不過也沒有所謂，因為我知道他一定不會覆。因為現在對於他來說，工作和金錢比什麼都重要。
是的，我的確太心軟。這陣子心裏不停只想著他的好，他的不足卻越來越忘得一乾二淨。
或許就是"吃不到的葡萄"的道理吧！
只是分開是自己的決定，現在的結果，我應該要懂得全然接受才是。
今夜又胡裏胡塗的混沌過去了... ... 反而令自己越來越不知應該怎樣做才好... ...
或許這陣子太累了。太累令人很易有depression。
還是應該早點休息，讓自己儲備多點正能量，學習快樂一點，多點盼望。
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| Worked until 10:30pm sth today in the office, and was the last one who left. Even though I worked till late today, I still feel very happy as I did make 2 successful calls with potential clients today (among more than 20 calls.......haha!) It feels really good when you were being banned or even scolded by the HR ppl, but finally able to contact with the HR head and have successful discussion for business! It feels really satisfied!
Like one of the potential clients, I tried for the last whole week to contact with the HR, but fail to have further process. Initially I wanna give up, but then I told myself "Hey Carmen! Don't give up! Keep going! You haven't found the HR Head/ CEO yet! Locate him/ her out and try again! Give up until all the senior ppl ban you!" By trial-and-error I located the CEO and then talk with him. Surprisingly he is pretty nice (unlike the bitchy HR... hahaha!) and asked me to send him email for follow up.
That's really a gorgeous encouragement for me --- "There is no FAILURE in the world BUT only GIVING-UP!"
Another happy case is, last week I kept on contacting with the HR Mgr of one company, but so far she couldn't give me any replies for more than a week. Then today I told myself, "Hey Sun Sun, don't wait anymore! Try to find out who their HR Head is!". Again, thanks for some of my colleagues' help, I could finally identify the direct line and name of the HR Head and start talking with her. Surely I did some hwk and got to know a bit her background. Even though I'm not sure if she is willing to sign our Terms, at least she is willing to spend time to look through it and amend, plus also gives me several positions to search in the market.
Even though that maybe a piece of cake for those who already have the connection, yet for ppl who starts from scratch like me --- need to dig up everything by my own... haha --- it's already a gorgeous motivation and encouragement!!
You know what? No one would really know what happen even in this so call "terribly disastrous market"! That HR Head told me, as their revenue is still very good right now, therefore her company is still putting a lot of resources to hire new ppl and have budget to use headhunters!
Surprise?!
So --- never assume that the whole market is bad! Even though I admit that there are so many companies downsizing or even closing up, still there is some "mysterious flowers" (奇葩) in the market which can healthily survive right now!
What I wanna say is ---
Keep positive! Instead of blaming the market/ being very pathetic to yourself, keep working hard! There are always opportunities around you!
If no opportunities approach you, you HUNT actively for yourself!
Maybe some of you think that what I did and "achieve" is very minor now, but what I think is, there are too much negative gossips and energy around us, we should be here to spread around some positive messages and energy to encourage each other!
Yeah! I can tell all of you that I can foresee I'm still financially tight in the current, and probably coming quarter, yet I can visualize that I can earn more if I keep on being hardworking and positive right now!
My dear friends,
LET'S BE POSITIVE, HAPPY AND WORK HARD TOGETHER!
THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE IN THE WORLD! DON'T WAIT PASSIVELY, LET'S SEEK FOR IT WITH OUR UTMOST EFFORT!
Be tough and we can 絕處逢生 for sure!!!!
And my last words here are:
Alleluja and thanks God in giving me strength and wisdom at work!
My perseverance is not from myself, but from God's grace! I should never give all the credit to myself but to my dear Lord! 
What I possess is the gift from God, I should never take it for granted!
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P.S.
It's already not a harsh time for me now... why?
1. When I was in 18, my mom died without any money left to me. My family members treat me badly at that time (but now ok lah.....), broke up with my bf, gained my weight to 16x pounds coz of depression and Bulimia. At that time, I needed to take the Public Assistance and did a lot of part-times to support my life + dealing with my study. As I didn't know how to deal with my emotion at that time, I kept on feeling very inferior, depressed and disppointed (even full of hatred to the world) throughout years... therefore I started to be unable to focus in studying...... I dropped from the top (initially a top student) down to the lowland (haaa.........poor poor results in my AL and U......anyways, it's already a blessing as I can still get into U.......haha)
2. In 2003, when I just graduated in CU, it was SARS. The job market was extremely bad. "Luckily" I still got a job, HKD8k for working in 7 days, from 9am to 8/10pm (in peak time, would be 12 at night) [Even though official working time in from 9 to 5, Mon to Sat morning... but I could never leave early]. No OT $, no benefits. One-foot-kick in the office (coz the company was only me and my 2 bosses... you know how terrible the work enviroment would be... as I'm a person who needs to talk talk talk all the time, but I'm always "office alone"... really so boring... and even when my bosses were there, I couldn't talk much as they are not those kinda friendly but a bit bossy bosses. And even worse, they are quite the "micro-manage" type...). My bosses were really harsh, once I was being blamed very seriously with my boss "flying" the folder onto my face... (but still I need to thanks them as they have taught me a lot in how to deliver my work with high quality). I was very poor at that time, as I live alone at that time, need to pay for my living, rental and also return the School Loan. So I ate bread almost everyday for 3 meals to save money. Sometimes would be better if my bosses treat me lunch!
Therefore, in comparison, I'm already very lucky and life is not really so difficult right now. God is always giving me way and strength. Even though I was in a "trough" in the above period of time, God still sent a lot of angels around me. I knew lots of good friends. They are still very supportive to me right now! That's why I always believe that when you lost something, you'd earn something back in other aspect!
That's why I really have no reason to blame the market and blame God for the current situation ne!
I should be appreciative and thankful to what I possess right now!
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| 這個星期很多ups and downs，發生什麼事就不說了，因為來來去去都是跟工作壓力和感請問題有關的，還是那"三篤屁"吧。
不過，重點是要感謝神。這陣子祂令我反省很多、也學會、得著很多。
至少在很大壓力、無助和失落的時候，祂總有些方法令我快樂、抖擻起來，也從祂那裏得著力量和智慧。
雖然我大隻雷雷，卻發燒發了差不多四、五天。幸好的是，仍能得著力量叫自己繼續努力工作下去，上午請了病假休息，下午便回公司繼續努力。這也是要感謝祂和身邊小天使給我支持。我是個很容易被逗開心的人。工作的時候，有同事來慰問，叫我多休息云云，森美媽不停提我記得吃藥...（縱然也有些"口臭"人如肥獵叫 我買兩大塊小林退熱貼，寸我頭太大一塊不夠退燒... ... 哈），那刻，心裏覺得有人關心自己真是件很快樂的事，所以立刻有了力量繼續加把勁把工作做好啦！
沒錯！雖然金錢對我很重要，可是對我來說，有些"好人"在身邊給自己勉勵，會是更加重要。所以呢... ... 我還是比較適合在中小企工作，因為POLITICS較少，同事間的關係也親密些。所以嘛... ... 就算有份高薪厚職，若果POLITICS多多，同事關係很冷漠，工作環境只是一個戰場，那末除非我有個很好的男朋友或丈夫和家庭給我精神支持，否則以我這樣 的性格一定熬不下去。我不是一個可以武裝自己，獨自面對壓力去自己生活的人。我是個很需要朋友和好同事圍繞在身邊的人（最理想當然是有對我好的家人 吧...）
所以說，現在能在一家同事關係不錯的公司工作，對我這個"孤兒女"來說，的確是個恩賜了！
不然，這段日子我的確不知怎樣堅持下去。畢竟回復單身之後，仍然需要一段時間去平復心情。少一點人事關係處理，心理壓力相對就少得多了。
今天回團契，跟露比談天。她說看見我的ex-ex跟他的女友很甜蜜的在某快餐店選東西吃。出奇的，反而我覺得很安慰和快樂，因為至少他們終於能重拾舊好， 不再處 於互相埋怨但又糾纏不清的關係中。雖然不知道跟自己跟他們重拾舊好有沒有關係，但至少我知道他們從前不停重現的三角關係（第三者身份不斷轉換，我是其中 一個第三者），終於結束了。感謝神當時給我力量，沒有像從前的第三者一走了之，而是真正去討論和面對問題。是的，要面對真正的自己對大家都是很傷痛的事。 但有時人就是這樣，要痛定思痛，才願意勇敢去面對和解決問題。
沒錯，看上去我好像是個完全無得益的受害者。但若果我能將祂的果子植在他們心裏，間接令他們關係修補好了，我是應該感到高興才是。因為神有用我... ... 其實呢... ...實際點說，在一段關係裏，曾經開心過也是得著吧！所以我也不要將自己說得那樣偉大～哈！
回想起來，一年跟不同的對象分手兩次，在某程度來說也是挺傷的。畢竟我是那種傻乎乎很快投入感情的人。不過從正面的角度看，我從中更了解自己，也出奇地在感情上對自己重拾自信... ... 的確是很奇怪的結果，不過也總算"因禍得福"，把自己的心結解開了。
以前我覺得自己不配被愛，也不會有人願意愛自己，自己也不會是別人的1st priority。經過這一年的經歷，反而令我不會再這樣想了。我開始懂得去欣賞和愛自己。
是的，不懂得怎樣愛自己，也不會怎樣去愛人。原本以為自己很懂得去愛人，但若不懂愛自己的話，到頭來對別人的愛反而會成為對對方的無形壓力、甚至負累。 遇人不淑的時候，當然就只會給別人take advantage on，到最後就是不停付出愛，但一點愛也得不到之餘，最後重重受傷的還是自己。
佛學有個道理，類似是說"從經歷痛苦生智慧"吧，也是所言甚是。
人生的確有許多東西需要學習，怎樣去愛和被愛，如何感恩和生活得快樂，已經是個很大的學問。
剛剛有個男性朋友說，我樣子看上去像playgirl，不是那些會對感情認真的女孩子，所以想找個正常女朋友的男人根本不會親近自己。我有點詫異，為何他會這樣說。認識我的人，都知我是個” 宅女” －－除星期一至五，我會拖得很晚才回家外，星期六日，若無DATE，我就是那些會在家不斷睡或發獃的人。我既不愛喝酒，也不大愛蒲。說我似playgirl，倒不如說我在家playfingers還比較可信。
不過，現在的我可不管了。我就是我，若果是神安排給我的伴侶，自然會懂得去欣賞現在的我，也會了解我是個怎樣的人。我相信，感情是相對的，若果雙方有愛，無需強迫，彼此自而然之會為對方去改變，不停磨合和互相配合呢！
所以，若果現在不是時候有個好伴侶，就讓我去好好享受此刻單身的美麗時刻吧！
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是日最愛：
我們愛 (讓世界不一樣) 詞曲:游智婷 @讚美之泉 沙漠中的讚美
你和我是天父愛的創造 每個人有最美的夢想
一路上彼此照亮 扶持擁抱
我們的愛讓世界不一樣
我們愛因神先愛我們
雖你我不一樣 我們一路唱 走往祝福的方向
我們愛因神先愛我們
心再堅強也不要獨自飛翔
只要微笑 只要原諒
有你愛的地方 就是天堂
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